Maybe it's built into a lot of us, the desire to become a mother. Maybe it's how we are raised... who knows. All I know is I wanted to fall in love and make babies (Thanks a lot Cinderella for the idea of finding prince charming).
Dating and finding a suitable mate to be your husband and the father of your kids is not an easy task. Through many heartbreaks and having broken a few hearts myself (yeah, yeah.. I'm not evil. There's no point in being with someone when there is no spark, right?) I eventually found someone. I wasn't picky. I had my own issues. I'm no prom queen but never felt like an ugly duckling either. I just wanted a nice man that made me feel special and that would be responsible enough to be "daddy" material... is that too much to ask for? Oh wait, I had to be attractive to him too, he must be a good kisser and gives me butterflies in my tummy. Well, well I guess that's a little more I'm asking for! :) Trust me, kissing... it's important. If I'm trying to break for air because your tongue is fishing for something at the bottom of my throat, I'm done.
I met my husband when I was just 19 years old (almost 20). Yeah, I know. It felt like I've been searching for.... forever! He was tall, dark and handsome. Really, I'm serious. Well, In my eyes he was. I don't care what anyone says. Anyway, I kinda asked him out and jotted his number down. Yes, I asked him out. Actually it was more of a group date to the movies to watch X-Men. I always feel more comfortable being in a group setting first.
Our first date (it wasn't labeled then) was at one of my favorite Thai Restaurants. Honestly, I was afraid to kiss him because I liked him so much. We talked all the time. We started spending a lot of time together and one night, he finally kissed me good night. There were definitely butterflies...
Fast forward 7 years later... we got married in Maui. Why 7 years? I still ask him that question myself! I went off the pill a few months before we got married hoping to get pregnant right away! By the way, I know it was crazy but when we met, I made it clear that I want a large family (5 kids) in the future.
After a few months off birth control, I never really got my period. I started doing research on women's health and fertility. I found a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. After reading this book (with more information that I was ever aware of)... I started charting and keeping track of everything that was going on with my body. After just a few months, I realized that I'm not ovulating. If I'm not ovulating, how will I ever have my babies???
I started taking hormones to force periods but it wasn't helping. The doctors won't refer me to a fertility specialist if it hasn't been a year of trying. Who makes up that rule? If you know you're not ovulating and having problems, why do I need to wait a year for someone to tell me I have a problem?!
After a frustrating 8 months, I told the doctors that it has been over a year. I know they don't check my chart that closely. After a few test and the Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test (ouch), the ultrasound determined that I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I started Clomid and on our first round we were pregnant! Unfortunately, at around 5-6 weeks, I miscarried. It was hard because my HCG levels were tested every 2 days and the HCG was not going up as it should so I was already warned that I will probably miscarry. I was so sad after that I kept myself busy by creating a craft room and started to do tons of crafting and scrapbooking.
Okay, we will try again. But the Clomid no longer worked. We started injections using Menopur. I would inject my tummy area every night and have them monitor the growth of my follicles with ultrasounds and adjust medications as necessary. When the follicles were the right size (and there aren't too many of them), I would have hubby give me a trigger injection in the buttocks followed by insemination the next morning.
It seemed like we were going through this for a long time.... but it was only a total of 11 months when I finally broke down and gave up on the fertility treatments. It was so stressful and not to mention expensive because insurance doesn't cover 100% of costs. We then had a consultation for In Vitro (IVF). This would be the most expensive procedure and there were no guarantees. A few days before our appointment, I canceled.
I don't know if it's because of all the stress of fertility treatments that kept me from getting pregnant... Kept me from ovulating . After just a few months of stopping, I was pregnant. Really? My fear was I would have another miscarriage because only a year ago, I had my first miscarriage. I delivered my first healthy baby boy on May 12, 2010. Don't let anyone tell you that your first labor will be a long tedious one. Everyone is different and mine, well let's say I probably could have given birth in the car! Read about my labor here.
No comments:
Post a Comment